I honestly wish I could make this stuff up…

Like so many great couples, the hubs and I are in many ways, opposites. He likes meat and potatoes, I prefer a good green vegetable. He plays sports with ease, I have trouble just walking from the gym parking lot to yoga class without falling. He can remember phone numbers he used once for years, I would forget my own if it was not written down in my wallet. He is a nighttime throat-yeller, I have never throat-yelled in my sleep.

What is throat-yelling? Oh, that’s right. I forget that the rest of the world is not married to someone who becomes a crazy person when they go to sleep.

"It's much too early to have my picture taken. Go away!"

I made up the term “throat-yelling” to be able to describe to the hubs about one of the many things he does in his sleep. He does not throat-yell very often, maybe once a month, but he did it several nights this past week. Therefore, it seemed like an appropriate time to tell you all about it.

How can I even describe throat-yelling? It sounds like if Beaker were tied up and gagged and could not open his mouth, but only make noises in his throat. Except that the hubs’ throat-yelling is lower pitched; maybe it sounds more like a didgeridoo from Australia. Basically, the hubs starts talking loudly in his sleep, but he never opens his mouth; he keeps his lips closed and does not move his tongue at all. It sounds like a conversation, with pitches changing in his throat and breaks between “words,” but no words are formed. He can go on like this for several minutes at a time, and it gets surprisingly loud even though he keeps his mouth closed.

"I'm not even in the blog this week. You just want a picture of me 'cause I'm so cute. I feel so used!"

Back in the day, I thought that this noise meant something horrible was happening, like he was choking in his sleep. Once I figured out he was just throat-yelling I started to try to answer him to see what he would do, doing my own throat-yelling back to him when he would pause. However, this never yielded any satisfactory results. As soon as I would start throat-yelling he would stop. So now I just let him be, throat-yelling into the night.

"No, no I'm sorry but no photos this morning. Maybe later after I've had some breakfast and a walk, but only if it's a very long walk."

As I write this I realize how ridiculous it is: I am married to a nighttime throat-yeller. I literally wish that I had made this up… Then I would have the most awesome imagination ever. But alas I did not. I would invite all of you over to our apartment when the hubs is sleeping to hear this illusive phenomenon except that our bedroom is too small to fit you all. Not to mention it would be incredibly creepy and weird for you all to be there while we sleep.

"Peanut butter? Well of course. If I get some peanut butter that's a completely different matter! Take all the pictures you want."

There are very few things that I find funny in the early morning hours. Thankfully for our marriage, the hubs’ cacophony of throat-yelling is one of them.