The Buttcrack of Dawn

It was mostly a quiet week. The hubs mumbled a few times, but nothing of note except for… the incident. Faint of heart, read no more! Squeamish, look away! What follows may be extremely upsetting to more than one party.

I was sleeping quite soundly one night this week, when I was jolted awake in the early morning hours by someone pinching me. It was the completely asleep hubs, and he was pinching my… well, you see it was my… Oh, dear. What is the appropriate term to describe one’s own backside on the internet?

Rump? Derriere? Peaches? Bottom? Rear? Buttocks? Butt? ‘Tocks? Watermelon? Behind?

I call the dog's "fluffenbutt"... that doesn't really seem appropriate either

Buns? Seat? Tush? Bum?

You get the idea. He was pinching that repeatedly, and very hard. It was not pleasant to wake up to!

Me: What are you doing?!?!

Hubs is still pinching so I knock his hand away.

Me: Stop it! Why are you doing that!

Hubs: I have no control over it.

Me: What?!? Well, then who does?

Hubs: Oh… maybe someone… it’s really someone else.

Me: Who? And whoever it is, they need to stop! That hurts!

Hubs: My, you’re being awfully grumpy. Really, just quite a grump.

Then he rolled back over and didn’t say anything else. At the time I did not find it funny at all. My… well, you know… was too sore! And I think I’m very patient with his nighttime antics, certainly I’m not a grump! So I pulled the covers to my side of the bed and made a little blanket cocoon.

In the morning the hubs told me that I had been talking in my sleep. Apparently he woke up and I was curled up under all the blankets mumbling how I am certainly not a grump.

The End