Bracketology

March Madness is a big deal in our house. The hubs spends hours, reading stats and reports on possible upsets, carefully crafting the perfect bracket. I am equally concerned with my bracket, but I have a slightly different strategy. I take the following steps:

  1. My favorite letter is “K.” Therefore, teams who school starts with “K” win automatically. If two “K” teams play each other, the team with the higher rank wins.
  2. My little brother’s alma mater wins every game, unless they play a “K” team.
  3. Xavier wins their first game for sure, no matter what they are ranked. It starts with an “X.” That’s just a laugh-riot.
  4. For the first round, teams ranked 12 or 9 automatically win as upsets. (As long as they are not trumped by one of the earlier rules.)
  5. After all these steps are followed, I go by rank. The better ranked team wins. The exception is if a team ranked 3 plays a 4: teams ranked 4 win.

It is an extremely sophisticated system. And, it works. Last year, I won. The entire thing. I beat the hubs and our whole pool and everything. I am pretty sure the hubs’ head exploded when he realized my “K” teams were going all the way and I was going to beat him. It was awesome.

Sic 'em Bears! (Sleeping on a Baylor sweatshirt is the full extent of the dog's participation in March Madness.)

Basketball and March Madness is such a big deal to the hubs that he goes to some of the games. He came back from seeing some games in Columbus early this past week. I think that his time there was on his mind when he went to sleep, because he (completely asleep) woke me up to tell me about free tickets.

Hubs: Yeah, did you do that?

Me (pretty groggy, trying to determine if something is wrong): Do what?

Hubs: Get them for free?

Me (nothing wrong, just the usual sleep talking): No…no, it wasn’t me.

Hubs: Oh, who was it then?

Me: I don’t know… you’re the one who told me.

Hubs: What? You’re not making any sense. Do you even know what we’re talking about?

Me: Umm…no, not really. You’re the one who told me they were free.

Hubs: I’m talking about tickets. And some people got them for NOTHIN’. But since you don’t know, don’t worry about it.

Me: Oh, ok. Anything else?

Hubs: Never mind, you just don’t seem to know what we’re talking about.

Then he rolled back over and I could go back to sleep.

The hubs is so funny. I am glad he gets such joy from March Madness, but I would prefer that he only talk to me about it when we are BOTH awake.

Feet are the Window Into the Soul

I feel pity for feet: they just don’t get much respect. However, this past week the asleep hubs showed great interest in my feet. This got me thinking about feet, and their noble covering, the shoe. You can tell a lot about a person by looking at what covers their feet. Feet are the window into the soul… or something like that. Without further ado, I am happy to throw open this window and to present “My Week in Footwear.”

Monday

Monday – April showers bring May flowers. However, March showers bring unrealistic hope that winter is actually over up here in the north.

Tuesday

Tuesday – Breaking in my new hiking boots for an upcoming trip. They felt great! However, I suspect that the trip will be more rigorous than walking to the mailbox and back and I should continue to break them in.

Wednesday

Wednesday – Taking the dog for a run on the rail trail. She does not technically “run.” I run and she frantically tries to speed-pee on every light pole we pass.

Thursday

Thursday – Headed to work. Daily I wear cute shoes to work, and daily it is a stupid decision. Rarely are cute shoes comfortable, and teaching is hard on the feet. Someday I will actually wear practical shoes instead of being seduced by peep toe flats and ruffled slingbacks. That day is not today.

Friday

Friday – At the grocery store. All of the workers are so friendly to me. I tell myself it is because I smile at them and am kind to them. However, they are probably nice to me because they think I’m slightly emotionally unstable: when we first moved here I started crying in front of the pancake syrups because I could not find a grocery store in the state that carried the type of syrup I was used to buying. I wasn’t really crying over the syrup; I never seem to cry about what is ACTUALLY the issue, it is something stupid that opens the floodgates. But of course, the poor stock boy who was trying to assist me had no way to know this, and he thought I really was distraught over a waffle topping.

Saturday

Saturday – Making pumpkin spice muffins. This is my foot’s preferred state: free to wiggle.

Sunday

Sunday – Off to church in my heels. The higher the heel, the closer to God.

The lowly foot was brought to the forefront of my mind this week because of something the hubs did in his sleep early in the week. The hubs was fast asleep, but I was still up, staring at the ceiling regretting having caffeine so close to bedtime. Suddenly, the hubs grabbed my foot! I thrashed around, quite startled, but he kept a tight grip on my foot. I calmed down and started talking to him; he remained strongly attached to my poor foot.

Me: What are you doing?

Hubs: Nothing, just checking stuff out.

Me: What are you checking?

Hubs: I’m checking on the product.

Me: Oh… and it seems to be ok?

Hubs: Yep, seems to be ok.

Me: Ok. Anything else you need?

Hubs: Nope, think it’s all pretty good.

Then the hubs let go of my foot and rolled back over.

Even in his sleep the hubs is kind enough to check on my feet. I don’t know if there is a husband of the year contest, but he would be a shoe-in.

Llamas, and manatees, and sloths – Oh My!

Llamas are my second favorite mammals, right behind manatees and before koala bears. Baleen whales and sloths round out the top five. I like animated llamas, plush llamas, llamas in books, and llamas in real life. Llamas on a farm or llamas in the wild, I like them all. I also like to say the word, “llama.” Try it. “Llama.” Oh, it’s just such a funny word.

Quite a bit ago the hubs and I decided that we should have a word that the hubs could use to prove that he was awake. We had been having problems because he would say stuff at night that sounded just normal enough, so I thought he was awake. But really he was asleep and when I would ask him about it in the morning he had no idea what I was talking about.

When the hubs suggested that I come up with a “proof word” that he could use to show when he was awake, I immediately knew the perfect word: llama. The word “llama” was perfectly suited to the job. It is rarely used in conversation (unless you are a llama breeder) and it is such a funny word the hubs would remember it.

For a few months our little system worked wonderfully. The hubs would say something that sounded normal, I would ask if he was asleep, and if he was awake he would say, “Llama.”

Then we had a disastrous night where it became clear that the hubs could, in fact, give the proof word even while asleep. The hubs was laying there, and I thought he was asleep. All of the sudden, he started speaking loudly, although staying still and keeping his eyes closed.

Hubs: You (insert derogatory word here).

Me: Excuse me?!?

Hubs did not say anything. I thought he was possibly asleep.

Me: That is completely inappropriate! Are you asleep?

Hubs: No.

Me: Then prove it.

Hubs: Llama

Me: Why, that is so… you… I just… You’re really awake?

Hubs (yelling): LLAMA!

I was just livid. I could not believe he had said THAT to me. (It is very unlike him to say things like that about his worst enemy, let alone me!) And he had used our code word so he had to be awake! I was so mad I climbed out of bed and got all the pillows in the apartment, including the decorative pillows on the love seat. Then I brought them all back to bed with me and built a pillow wall between us in the bed. I am very stubborn, and I would certainly not be driven out of my own bed by him saying something so cruel. However,  I felt that a large pillow wall and icy silence would let the hubs know of my extreme displeasure.

Then I went back to sleep on my side of the pillow wall. In the morning the hubs was very confused when he woke up fenced into his side of the bed by pillows. I will spare you the details of our conversation that morning; eventually we figured out that the hubs had no idea what I was mad about because he had been asleep the entire time.

I still love llamas, but we no longer use a code word. I think this is a good choice, if only for the good of our throw pillows: they could not hold up well if I were frequently building pillow walls.

The End

That awkward moment when your husband tells you he has a kid…

I have yet to meet a baby that I did not think was precious and the most darling thing ever. Baby animals, baby cupcakes, baby people: I love them all. They are just so cute! I am not biased or anything, but I am sure that my hubs was the most adorable baby ever. What a little sweety-pie. Such a cute little face. Such a happy little smile. Such little baby fingers and toes. So cute.

My goodness. The hubs' cuteness is almost overwhelming.

Even though I like mini-people, the hubs and I do not have any kids. This made his asleep assertion early this past week quite disconcerting.

Why are babies so cute eating and adults aren't? If adult hubs sat on a table eating with his hands I would not be all like, "OH, that's so cute!" I would say, "Really? Yeah...no."

I was sleeping soundly, dreaming that I had just backed into Ryan Gosling’s car and then when I went to give him my contact information so that his insurance could contact me, my car was stolen. It was pretty intense and I was very upset about the car being stolen. Needless to say, I did not mind being woken up.

All of the sudden I woke up because the hubs was sitting up, pulling me into a huge bear hug.

Me: What are you doing?!?!?

Hubs: I just love you so much!

Me: Well, I love you, too. Is something wrong? Why are you awake?

Hubs: Because I just had a kid!

Me (realizing he is certainly not awake): What??

Hubs: Yeah, I just had a kid.

Me: Oh…wow…

Hubs: I feel a little funny. I just woke up. After the kid…having a kid….

Me: Ok…I have no idea what you’re talking about…

Hubs: Alright, well just know that I love you very much.

Me: Ok, I love you too.

Then he let go of me and laid back down, never waking up.

"I'm going to grow up to talk in my sleep like a crazy person! And yes, I am super cute in my fashionable skinny tie."

I hope that the kid the hubs had while asleep was as cute as he was when he was little, although I do not think that that is actually possible.