I’m braver than I think…wait, no. No, I guess I’m not.

I hate to be scared. I hate it  more than I hate to be cold, more than I hate the sound of nails being filed, and even more than I hate the smell of fish sticks.  And there is nothing I find scarier than a scary movie. I do not technically “watch” scary movies. I more sit in a room with my head buried into my husband’s chest with a pillow pulled over my ears while a scary movie is shown on a nearby TV.

This is how the dog watches scary movies. Look at how brave she is: she can actually look at the screen.

Monster movies, psychological thrillers, slasher films, they all scare me out of my mind. This past week the hubs was gone for a business trip so I should have known better than to watch anything scary right before bed. But I foolishly watched a particularly scary episode of a certain show that I like, which will remain nameless. (Here’s a hint, it rhymes with “hassle.” And it has the guy from Firefly in it. There, that’s two hints.) And it was really scary, and ended on a cliff-hanger, and the CIA may be bad guys and not actually the CIA and then it ends with someone getting shot! So after watching this terrifying episode I climbed into my hubs-less bed and was so scared I couldn’t sleep.

Thankfully, I had reinforcements cleverly hidden in a seldom used tote bag on the second shelf down in my closet. I had to bring out the big guns: my teddy bear. Yes, it’s true; when the hubs is gone and I start to get scared and can’t sleep I, a grown person who pays bills and does adult type things, pull out my dear little bear.

"Sweet Halloween Dreams," by Alex Panagop

(To those of you out in internet land now judging my bear-snuggling, I say nothing, but I look at you with shark-eyes and give you the silent treatment. The hubs can attest to the fact that my silent treatment can last for some time, so you might as well stop judging.)

The Ted - Keeping me safe from scary movies for decades

Thankfully, with the bear there I was able to fall right to sleep. And with the hubs being gone I got to sleep all the way through the night with no sleep-talking interruptions.

The hubs is the opposite of me, he’s not scared of anything. He’s brave and strong and I highly doubt he has a stuffed animal stashed somewhere in the apartment that he pulls out when I am gone overnight. Last week he proved his bravery yet again as he lectured me about monsters in his sleep.

I was laying in bed, in that in between phase of almost asleep but a tiny bit awake. All of the sudden the hubs thrashed around and started talking loudly.

Hubs: You gave me a monster, and it’s the wrong type!

Me: What? What are you talking about?

Hubs: Well, you know there are different types, and this is a MATERIAL monster. Don’t you know that? It’s not the right type of family… Of monsters…

(I started to laugh at him.)

Hubs: Why are you laughing? It’s not funny, and I’m trying to go to sleep!

Me: Babe, you are asleep!

Hubs: No, I’m not asleep! I’m awake! It’s just that you don’t understand how important the monsters are!

Me (cracking up): No, you’re definitely asleep.

Hubs: No! I just wish that you would take the material monsters more seriously!

(I snorted into my pillow, it was so funny.)

Hubs: And I’m awake. I’d LIKE to go to sleep though, once you figure out the monster!

Me: Oh, dear. (chuckle) Hon, you are definitely asleep.

Hubs (turning away from me angrily): I’m not asleep. You just gave me a monster and it’s the wrong FAMILY!

I kept laughing for some time, but he didn’t say anything else.

Oh, my hubs. Thankfully his musings about monsters were just funny, not at all scary. But with him there to protect me, I could never be scared of anything.

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2 thoughts on “I’m braver than I think…wait, no. No, I guess I’m not.

  1. “Fracture” with Anthony Perkins (Silence of the Lambs) and Ryan Gosling (Notebook) is the scariest I’ve seen lately (yesterday).

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