Elementary, my dear Hubs!

This week several mysteries were solved in our home:

1. Where the dog’s rope toy went. It’s been missing for a few days. She barfed it up (still whole) day before last. Dogs are disgusting. I am never getting her a rope toy ever again.

2. Why the hubs asks me to buy bananas EVERY WEEK and then they go brown and mushy EVERY WEEK because he doesn’t eat them. I figured out that he knows that I won’t waste food, so I’ve been making banana cakes, banana bread, anything you can make with old bananas. I’m on to you, hubs. No more bananas in our house, ever!

Making banana bread... again.

3. Why the dog is terrified of the vacuum cleaner. I was sweeping the floor and the hubs walked in, pointed to the upholstery attachment and said to me, “Isn’t it wonderful that it has that side hose-attachment to get the hair directly off of the dog?”

Surveying the enemy

However, there is one mystery from this week that we may never solve: what on earth the hubs was dreaming about when he started petting my hair in his sleep. I was kind of cold when I went to bed so pulled the covers up around my head. Several hours later I woke up to the hubs lifting the covers off of me, then gently patting my head.

Me – “Umm…”

Hubs – “It’s ok.”

Me – “…Umm…”

Hubs (still patting my head gently) – “Yeah, it’s ok. No big deal.”

Me – “Hmm…ok…”

Then the hubs patted my head a couple more times and rolled back over.

We will never know what the hubs was dreaming about that led him to be so comforting. I suppose some things are best left a mystery.


X Marks the Spot

You know how sometimes you can feel when someone’s staring at you? This happened to me during this week. I was sleeping, minding my own dreams, when I woke up to the feeling that someone was staring at me. I rolled over to see my hubs sitting up in bed staring at me intently.

Me: Are you ok?

Hubs: Yes. Are YOU ok?

Me: Yes. What’s going on?

Hubs: I just don’t think we’re in the right spot.

Me: What?

Hubs: The spot. It’s just not… quite… the spot… It’s not… spot’s not right.

Me: Umm, ok…

Hubs (reaches over and pats me reassuringly on the shoulder): There, there. It’s ok.

Then he flopped back down and didn’t say anything else.

I don’t know what he thought was wrong with where he was, but I hope he got to the “right spot” eventually. And I hope that that spot was conveniently marked with a large red “X.”

If a sleep talker talks but no one’s there to hear it, does it still make a sound?

The hubs has been gone all week on a business trip. So, this week I have no way of knowing if the hubs talked in his sleep because he was in a different time zone. (He probably did. He tends to sleep-talk when his schedule gets messed up. Or when he’s been flying. Or if he eats a lot of junk food. Or if he works out right before bed. Or if he’s really stressed… Now you understand why it happens so much.) Whatever he said in his sleep at his hotel room will remain a mystery for all eternity. Too bad, I bet it was something really funny.
When he’s gone several things happen:
1. I go days without really eating any meat. My grocery trip for this week consisted of garlic couscous, Spongebob Squarepants macaroni and a 15 pound bag of grapefruit.
2. The trash can reaches its absolute upper limit of how much it can hold. This is because the hubs always takes out the trash; I don’t want to deprive him of this chore just because he was gone for a week. It’s actually very unselfish of me to keep the trash inside, continually squishing in just one more grapefruit peel, waiting for his return. You’re welcome, hubs.
3. The dog gets to sleep in the bed with me. Normally she spends her nights comfortably snoozing on her pillow in the hallway, but with no hubs she gets free reign of the bedroom.
Our sweet little pup made sure that the night was not silent, even without the hubs there to talk. She snores. A lot. And she has little twitchy asleep-paws. And her lips quiver. And I think it is all just so adorable. So adorable that I got out of bed and took pictures of her sleeping. Why is it that if the hubs happens to snore or thrash in his sleep it’s a nuisance, but when the dog does it I just melt at her preciousness?


I hope the pictures of my dreaming pooch make up for not knowing the hysterical things the hubs did in his sleep this week. Even though it means the dog gets relegated to outside the bedroom, I am happy the hubs is home to me now; especially because he took out the garbage.

How Rude!

The hubs and I work very hard to communicate with each other in a kind and loving way. We have several rules: attack the action but not the person, tone of voice matters and do the best to not exaggerate. (I really struggle with that last one, like a million times a day… and I just did it again.) We also have phrases that are off-limits when we talk to each other. One of these is “shut-up.” With that background, you can now understand the scandal of my conversation with my asleep hubs earlier this week.

I was sleeping and suddenly woke up when I felt the hubs start.

Me: Are you ok?

Hubs: Yes, it’s alright. I just can’t believe you did that again!

Me: Did what again?

Hubs: You told me to shut-up!

Me: I did not! When did I tell you to shut-up?

Hubs: Half an hour ago, you told me to shut-up, and now you’ve done it again!

Me (picking up my phone to look at the time): Look at the clock! Half an hour ago was 1:30 in the morning!

Hubs: Well, it’s just rude, that’s all.

Then he rolled back over and didn’t say anything else. And so I rolled over and giggled at the irony of him being told to shut-up in his dreams. I hope that his dreams are normally much friendlier.