The Horror of Hilarity

Most of the time I just giggle at the hubs’ nighttime antics, but there is one thing he does that I find quite creepy: he laughs in his sleep. This might not sound very scary, but take my word for it, it is very scary to wake up to someone cackling loudly next to you in the dark. And this happens to me a lot, at least once a week.

I think what I find most disconcerting about the hubs’ mirth is that his sleep-laugh doesn’t sound like his awake-laugh. The awake-laugh is pleasant, boisterous and kind. The sleep-laugh is higher pitched, very loud and overly riotous. It is really creepy. So creepy that I normally pull all of the blankets off of him; this makes him get cold and wake up. It’s a very effective way to stop him from laughing, and I don’t believe he has figured out yet why he frequently wakes up shivering. I don’t want to poke him to wake him up because my mom always says not to wake a sleep-walker and in my mind that’s about the same as a sleep-talker.

It is slightly less creepy when he is laughing while saying something ridiculous. When the crazy laugh has context, it makes it more normal, I suppose. A recent example is that he started laughing maniacally yelling, “He doesn’t get a SECRETARY! No one gets a secretary. That’s ridiculous! HAHAHAHAHAHA!”

At least in that instance I didn’t have to be concerned that it was an evil laugh, so that made it much less creepy. The hubs was just chuckling at the silliness of administrative assistants. Naturally.

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Any dream about Disney must be a good dream

This week the hubs and I had the following conversation while he was asleep. Imagine him saying everything in an extremely serious voice; to his asleep brain, this was obviously a huge deal.

Hubs: Yeah.

Me: Hubs? Are you talking to me?

Hubs: Yeah, it’s just a bummer we lost the new… the new… new world.

Me: What, buddy? You lost “The New World”?

Hubs: What does that have to do with anything?

Me: Oh, I thought maybe you lost an account at work and you were bummed.

Hubs: Where did that suggestion even come from? Do you even know what you’re talking about? What does that have to do with Disney? (loud stage whisper) NOTHING. Really, that’s just a ridiculous idea. PACKAGING, that’s what’s really important.

At this point I was laughing so hard I had to bury my head under two pillows so as not to wake him up. He was so agitated about our conversation not having to do with Disney, you would have thought that I had spit in the face of the Mouse himself. My hubs, sticking up for commercialized rodents everywhere… but only in his sleep.

The Daily Grind Affects the Nightly Soliloquy

Sometimes the hubs talks in his sleep about things that take place during the day. When that happens I kind of know what he’s talking about because it had been on his awake-mind; however, his asleep-mind is apparently a little fuzzy on the details.

For example, a little bit ago he started playing a new computer game. That night I woke up because the bed was shaking. I groggily looked over to see the hubs stretching out as far as he could from the bed, clinging to it with one hand, the other hand waving wildly, reaching toward the bedroom door.

Me (still mostly asleep): What’s wrong?
Hubs (waving wildly toward the shut door): I have to shut the door.
Me: The door’s shut…
Hubs (stretching out so far I thought he might fall out of bed): No, you’re wrong… sooooooo, you’ll lose.
Me (grabbing his arm so he doesn’t fall out of bed): Ok, just go back to bed.
Hubs (looking quite upset): Now I lost the game! YOU made me lose the game!
Me: What?!?
Hubs: The Facebook game! Now I lost. I’ll NEVER win now!!!

Then he laid down quietly. It’s good to know that even in his sleep he’s incredibly competitive, so if there’s ever a sleep talking competition, he’s sure to win.

Another example of real life bleeding over into his nocturnal ramblings was when I went on a Harry Potter kick and got all of the movies from the library in rapid succession. On the last night of our movie marathon I woke up with the hubs shaking me yelling, “We have to get away from Lord Voldemort! He’s coming!”

It is slightly disconcerting that the hubs’ asleep-brain categorizes a fictional wizard as reality, but I think that’s missing the point: the hubs would protect me from the most powerful evil wizard ever. How many wives have a husband who saves them from the Dark Lord in the middle of the night? I am a very lucky woman.

A slow week

I chose to start a blog to post once a week about how much the hubs talks in his sleep – so of course he has not said anything of note in over the past seven nights. Just a few mumblings and last night he laughed for a minute, but nothing that’s worthy of the internet. Therefore, I will take this opportunity to share what in my mind is still the absolute funniest conversation the hubs and I have ever had when one of us was sleeping.

It happened some time ago, and I was sitting up in bed reading when my sweet, asleep hubs rolled over and went on the offensive:

Hubs (in an extremely aggressive, not very like him tone): You crossed the line. Even worse, you crossed my line!

Me: What?!?!?

Hubs: You’re a LEGALIST!

Me: Excuse me?

Hubs: Yeah, a legalist… I bet if they had said you couldn’t dance until you were 21, you would have done it!

Me: You had BEST be asleep!

Hubs: Yeah, you really are a legalist.

And then he rolled over and didn’t say anything else, leaving me to silently laugh at him, wondering which “line” exactly I had crossed. And just so everyone knows, I am most definitely not a legalist. And if someone had told me I couldn’t dance until I was 21 I would have totally gone all “Footloose” on them. Just don’t ask my hubs while he is sleeping, because apparently he thinks differently.