So, there the hubs and I were, snuggled up in bed on a cool winter evening, when I heard a quiet flap-flap-flap. It sounded like the hubs was snoring gently. I thought that was a little weird, since he does not normally do that, but no problem. I heard it again, a gentle flap-flap-flap, and I wondered if I should try to roll him over if he was going to be like this all night.
I decided against disturbing him and was drifting off to sleep when all of the sudden the hubs jumped and yelled, “THAT’S A BAT!! There’s a bat in the room!!”
We did the only reasonable thing and pulled the covers up over our heads.
“A BAT!” I whispered to the hubs in our blanket tent. “Are you sure?”
We could still hear it flying around the room, even with the covers over our heads.
“That’s a bat,” the hubs said assuredly.
I was sort of freaking out, because bats are creepy.
(Now, here would be about the place where I would put a free stock photo from the internet of a bat. However, when I was trying to search for free bat images, our internet safety feature kept saying ADULT CONTENT and not letting me continue. First, I feel old, because we now have kids in our home able to use the internet and we need a filter. We are so old. Second, I have no idea what sort of adult content could come from searching “free bat pic” but apparently it’s a thing. Third, I cannot seem to locate the override password, and I’m not going to reset it just for a picture of a bat. Use your imagination, please. It was a huge, nasty, brown, winged, fanged bat.)
“Ok, well, we have to get out of here,” I said, making a plan. “We’ll just slip off on your side – HEY!”
I yelped because the covers were being pulled off of me and I was going to be exposed for the bat to attack, maim, and probably kill! As I was in the middle of explaining my genius plan to escape the bat, the hubs had moved out of the bed onto the floor, taking the covers with him and leaving me to fend for myself. I jumped out of bed and dove to join him under the blanket that was now on the floor. Then I shuffled after the hubs as he hustled to the door and out of the bedroom.
Once safely in the hallway with the door shut behind us and the bat locked in our bedroom we analyzed our position. A nasty, winged, most-likely-rabid beast had taken over our bedroom. My preference was to abandon the room completely and sleep on the couch for the rest of my life, but the hubs vetoed that idea.
He decided he would go in and conquer the beast, but he would need protection first. His coat was in the bedroom, but he had his hunting boots readily available. I went and grabbed him my coat, which is neon blue, shiny, and puffy. Perhaps the shiny neon would disorient the creature he was going to fight?
It was also quite small on him, but he zipped it all the way up and put the hood on, so that only his eyes were showing. Except of course for half of his forearms and an inch and a half of mid-drift that was exposed because it really was too small for him.
While he was putting on his shoes, I found the broom and stood ready to arm him.
So, there was the hubs, standing like a puffy, bright blue warrior, ready to go in and battle the bat.
As he took the broom and faced the door I uttered encouragement to spur on my brave protector, “Just PLEASE don’t let it out of the bedroom, ok??”
He slowly cracked open the bedroom door and peered in.
“I don’t see it,” he whispered back to me as I stood in the hallway.
Then, “AHH! There it is! It’s on my coat!”
This was followed by a swift whack from the broom, and the foe was defeated. I did not see any of this happen because I panicked when he yelled and ducked into the bathroom. But I am sure that he was just the most macho, amazing, puffy-blue man who has ever vanquished a bat.
(Of course, we would have preferred to shoo it outside to allow the bat to live, but since it had been in the house when the kids’ bedroom door was open and they were sleeping, we needed to test it in order to avoid painful rabies shots. Rest in peace, bat; we did not wish you ill, even though you scared us half to death.)
The next Monday the hubs took the bat to the health department since they will test them for free, and it came back negative for rabies. That meant we avoided shots and we were all thankful for that. The hubs was especially thankful he did not have to get rabies shots, since he hates shots so much that if I let him he would probably just choose to die from rabies instead of getting the shots.
After so much excitement, I half expected the hubs to have much to say in his sleep, but he did not talk at all that night. I would know, since I spent much of the night lying awake, imagining that I was hearing more flap-flap-flap around the ceiling. But thankfully, there were no more bats in the bedroom that evening, although it is good to know that the hubs can handle them like a pro.