Strike Four, You’re Out!

I have many fine qualities, but natural athletic ability is not chief among them. Actually, it is not really among them at all. When God was gifting me, athletic ability was left standing on the wall like a loser while various other things were chosen… much like I was left standing on the wall when my peers chose teams for softball in gym class. I am just not skilled. I was so bad that in gym class the teacher used to feel bad and “miscount” strikes when we played softball and give me four chances to swing. I was so bad that the kids didn’t even bother to move in, because the odds of me connecting ball and bat were practically zero. I was so bad that the pitcher (who I had a crush on) used to scoot way up and just sort of loft the ball at me, encouraging me to hit it. And I really haven’t gotten much better in the decade and a half since then.

My lack of athletic ability (and obvious emotional scars from softball failures) does not mean that I do not like to play with balls with the dog and the munchkin.

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The munchkin loves balls so much that I made his play pen into a ball-pit. It’s awesome. I’m not sure who loves it more, him or me.

The dog prefers tennis balls. She keeps a secret stash of them behind the television cabinet.

The dog prefers tennis balls. She keeps a secret stash of them behind the television cabinet.

Unlike me, the hubs is good at sports. Right now he is on a golf kick, and he’s out swinging the club constantly. I think that getting out for a few holes must have been on his mind last night. I was sleeping soundly when I jumped awake because the hubs sat up and smacked my shoulder.

Me: What?!? What’s wrong?!?

Hubs: What on earth!?! Don’t you know about the foursome?

Me: Umm, no…

Hubs: Yeah, well I’m not playing without it, and you’re just… it’s just…

Me: What are you talking about?

Hubs: Oh, you don’t even know, do you! We need a foursome for nine holes.

Me: That’s fine, Buddy. Let’s not worry about it.

Hubs: You know what you are? An embarrassment. Yep, this is just horrible.

Surprisingly, I was not offended, because, when it comes to sports, this is nothing I didn’t already know…that, and I’m doing better at not getting upset when the hubs sleep talks

Me: Ok, I’m going back to sleep.

Hubs: Well, it’s just… I mean, GAH!

And then he threw his hands up in exasperation, sank back down, and did not say anything else.

Poor, asleep hubs. Thankfully, when he’s awake he normally has a foursome willing to play and can golf to his heart’s content. Now if only we could round up enough players for some friendly softball – I get four strikes, right?

Pass the Coffee

As you might have noticed, the blogging has been sporadic. Actually, to be more accurate, the blogging has been non-existent. I fully, and freely admit that it is not my fault – I blame the munchkin. Having a baby has been like having all of the responsibilities you had before the baby, and then adding in an incredibly needy cat to the mix. Not a whole lot of time for blogging…or sleeping.

photo(5)photo(1) photo(3)photo(4)photo photo(2)¬† Yesterday was the munchkin’s half birthday. I have been a parent for 6 whole months. Even after 6 months, I still have no idea what I’m doing. However I have learned one thing about parenting: if you aren’t tired, you’re probably doing it wrong.

House of Horrors

The munchkin loves to hold his Lamb Chop plush toy while being changed. I think it is because it is so soft, and has bright red hands and feet. He holds it and sucks on her ear while I change him. He was doing just that this afternoon, babbling away happily. I finished snapping his onesie and picked up Lamb Chop off of him, to make her dance on his tummy.

That was when I saw it. Sticking out of the munchkin’s mouth, covered in baby drool, was a big, fat, brown wooly caterpillar!

I screamed, grabbed it, and flung it on the floor. I tossed a nearby clean diaper over it and started smashing it as hard as I could. The munchkin thought this was pretty funny, but was not amused when I started washing out his mouth with a soft washcloth. I just could not imagine how a caterpillar had gotten into the munchkin’s mouth! We had gone to the park for lunch, but I had watched him the whole time!

After all of the commotion, I put the clean-mouthed baby on the floor to play while I examined the horrible bug. Would you believe it, when I took off the diaper covering the caterpillar, it wasn’t a caterpillar at all. It was Lamb Chop’s luscious eyelashes! Apparently the munchkin had sucked them right off her face!

Thankfully, they were still in one piece, so it was an easy job to sew them back on to her forehead. I wouldn’t want the munchkin’s favorite stuffed animal to be without her eyelashes, even if they did about give me a heart attack!

It's ok, munchkin. I still love "ewe"!

It’s ok, munchkin. I still love “ewe”!

The hubs had quite a scare today, too. Apparently in the early hours of the morning this morning, the hubs woke up when I sat on his legs and started talking to him.

Hubs: Hon, what are you doing?

Me (searching around the bed): Where’s the baby? I can’t find the baby!

Hubs: What?!? Did you bring him back after feeding him?

Then the hubs heard a rustle on the baby monitor, and realized that the munchkin was still in his crib.

Hubs: Hon, the baby’s still in bed.

Me: Oh.

Then, according to the hubs, I climbed over to my side of the bed and hurled myself down.

Hubs: Wow, you really scared me there. Did you have a bad dream, Babe?

Silence.

Hubs: Babe? You still awake?

This morning, I had no idea what he was talking about when he mentioned my frantic search in the night for the munchkin. I am glad that both of us got our scary situations straightened out, and they weren’t near as bad as they seemed at first!

Cliff Hanger

I drive quite a distance to get to work and wile away the hours listening to books on CD that I get from the library. My favorite to listen to are mysteries. The librarians probably wondered over my eclectic checkout bag this morning: murder mysteries and the acclaimed Baby Learns Numbers with Elmo.

A few weeks ago I was listening to a murder mystery as I made the long trek to work. We were on the last disk, and I thought I knew who murdered the dashing young poet. Then, the hotel burned down and the character I thought was the killer died in the fire! I was thinking, “Oh man, plot twist!”

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Wow, what a nail biter!

Then the nice sounding British man reading the book on CD said, “Qwill wondered if Jamison really had been the murderer. Now he would never know for sure. (dramatic music) This concludes the reading of the book. All rights reserved.”

And then the disk ended! That was it! Who knows who the murderer was? I don’t! Good grief, talk about a cliff hanger…forever… For crying out loud.

Sometimes the hubs leaves me without all of the answers when he talks in his sleep, too. For example, a week and a half ago I was laying in bed making a mental grocery list when the hubs started talking in his sleep.

Hubs: Nah, that can’t be.

Me: Hmmm, what is it buddy?

Hubs: Just not right.

Me: Yeah, what isn’t right?

Hubs: What? No, not for you.

Me: Oh? What’s not for me?… Hubs? Why can’t I know?

But he did not say anything else.

I am not sure what wasn’t right, and I suppose I will never know. Life is filled with cliff hangers!

Tardy to the Party

So, as you can tell from the lack of posts the last few weeks, I have had a hard time getting the blog done every week. Don’t worry, it’s not that I don’t want to blog. It’s just that now that the munchkin is here, I seem to be late significantly more. And every time, I have to tell whoever I have kept waiting, “I am so sorry, something came up!”

And I cannot even elaborate, because the “something that came up” is normally something disgusting. It probably required both the munchkin and me to change our clothes. It is not something that I just discuss with people, especially people who are waiting on me.

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I have a surprise for you! It’s poop.

However, never fear: the hubs is still talking in his sleep! The past week the hubs has been talking in his sleep quite a bit. I have been staying up REALLY late to work on final term papers, so by the time I am stumbling to bed it is just a few hours before he is up to go to work. The downside is that I am just ridiculously tired. The upside is that I have heard the hubs talking quite a bit.

The other night I climbed into bed and the hubs sat up and grabbed my hand.

Hubs: You alright? Coming to bed?

This sounded like perhaps he was awake.

Me: Yes, just finished for the night. I’m so tired.

Hubs: You need to go back to the past.

Me (feeling kind of disappointed): Oh… so you’re asleep.

Hubs: Nope, not asleep. Just know that you need to do something to go back to the past. We need to get back to the past.

Me: Ok, that’s fine. Love you.

Hubs: Yeah, just make sure you’re in the past.

Me: Ok, will do.

Hubs: Good, good. Sounds good. Don’t worry, we’ll be ok in the past.

Me: Alright.

Then he did not say anything else. Perhaps when he was talking about the past he was thinking about our life pre-munchkin. Back when I was on time to things, and didn’t have to censor my explanations when we are late. I kind of doubt it, though. The hubs is so happy to have the munchkin in our lives, there’s no way he would want to rewind a few months to when we didn’t have him with us. I suppose being late to things is an ok trade off.

Elusive Dreams

The munchkin has interrupted our sleep schedules. All of us seem to be sleeping at different times than we use to. photo-19

And in different places, too. photo-13 (2)

Sometimes we even have to share our pillow.photo-14 (2)That is ok, though. Having the munchkin here is worth changing up the sleep schedule.

This past week I walked into the bedroom after changing the munchkin. The hubs suddenly sat up.

Hubs: Everything alright?

Me: Yes, I was just changing him.

Hubs: Ok, I see. Are you going to bed now?

Me: Yes.

He was sounding a little funny, so I was not sure if he was awake or not.

Me: Are you really awake?

Hubs: I… I’m not sure exactly. I don’t think so.

Me: Oh, ok. Probably not then. Why don’t you lay back down?

Hubs: Yeah, probably should.

Then he lay back down and did not say anything else. I asked him about it later and he had no idea what I was talking about – he was definitely asleep the whole time.

At least some things will never change, even with the munchkin being here – no matter how little sleep he gets the hubs will still talk through it!

Confessions

People frequently ask me if the hubs ever confesses things in his sleep. Or if I try to ask him questions to find out the truth while he is sleeping. The answer is “no.” To both questions. If the hubs has something to tell me, he does. And if I wanted to know the truth I simply have to ask him while we are both awake.

The munchkin has nothing to confess: he can sleep like a baby.

The munchkin has nothing to confess: he can sleep like a baby.

Isn’t it interesting that so many people think that I should utilize the hubs’ sleep talking to find out his secrets? I suppose we all want to know things about other people, to know their secrets, and to confess our own. One well timed question and anyone will share their secrets. In fact, I have some things to confess right now:

My least favorite chore is mopping. It always has been. Therefore, I do not own a mop. I clean my floors by other means, just never mopping.

I still, in my deepest heart, think that the three kings in “We Three Kings” are from a place called “Orientare.”

I sing Cindy Lauper songs to the munchkin. A lot. His favorite is “Girls Just Want to Have Fun.”

It bothers me a lot when people say “alot.” It is two words. If you type it as one word, I judge you a lot.

I always said that I would never talk to my child in “baby talk,” because I thought that it would stunt their verbal skills. I talk to the munchkin in baby talk all day long. I talk so much like a baby that I now talk to the dog like a baby. The other day I answered the phone with baby talk. It’s getting a little out of control.

When I walk the dog in the evening and a dog a street or two over starts barking, I let our dog bark back for awhile. I do this just in case the Twilight Bark is a real thing, and she is helping to save some lost puppies.

I also must confess that I occasionally sleep talk. In fact, according to the hubs, I talked in my sleep this past week. He said I mumbled, “Slerfenskots frozen people…”

And he said, “What, hon?”

“Slerfenskots frozen peopsernf.”

I have no idea what I was talking about, but the hubs has confessed that it was quite funny to have the sleep-talking tables turned.

Laughter is the Best Medicine

I am really looking forward to the munchkin’s first laugh. I know it is still a little premature to be expecting a giggle, but I keep hoping.

The munchkin does lots of smiling, just no laughing yet.

The munchkin does lots of smiling, just no laughing yet.

Laughing is just so wonderful, and I want him to have that joy. Plus, laughter can make a bad situation better. Last week we had a situation that wasn’t funny at the time, but that we could laugh about later.

I was up reading in bed when all of the sudden the hubs sat up and started shaking his arm.

Me: Whatcha doing?

Hubs: My arm’s feeling funny.

Me: Oh, ok.

The hubs continued to shake his arm. I thought he was awake, but was not completely sure.

Me: Are you asleep?

Hubs (yelling): No, I’m very awake! Don’t assume the worst about me! Why do you always do that? You shouldn’t assume the worst!

Me: Excuse me? What is wrong with you? I’m not assuming the worst, I just didn’t know if you were awake!

Hubs: Well, it’s just something you always do. Just STOP IT!

Me: Well, FINE!

Then I slammed my book shut and went to sleep in a huff. The next morning the hubs and I had a discussion about what had happened: apparently he was asleep for the whole thing. And he was quite surprised when he rolled over in the morning, and found an extremely grumpy wife!

At least we were able to laugh about it later; the hubs saw the humor in it much sooner than I did. Laughing together makes everything better. I know that when the munchkin finally does laugh it will have been worth the wait.

Introducing the Munchkin

So, I haven’t posted about the hubs’ sleep talking in awhile. We have been just a little busy, with Christmas and school and work and, you know, having a baby and all of that.

Rory Wynalda 68

Rory Wynalda 66We are all adjusting quite well. I actually don’t think that the dog has even acknowledged that the munchkin is here: she just ignores him. However, the hubs has been sleep talking less, perhaps because he is sleeping less due to the baby.

We have the munchkin sleeping in his bassinet in our room right now; it works well for feeding and changing him at night. It kind of bothers me, however, that the hubs does not wake up when the baby does. At all. He could be screaming his tiny lungs out and the hubs does not even turn over. I find this to be especially irksome because I wake up when the baby even has the slightest turn of his cute little head, or sighs loudly, or gives a little squeak in his sleep.

Honestly, though, we are both sleeping decently well, as the munchkin is a pretty good sleeper. For a baby, at least. However, this past week he had a couple days where he was not sleeping quite as well. So, I set up the white noise machine to try to help him fall asleep more quickly. The first night I was going to use it, the hubs had already gone to sleep while I fed the munchkin and got him ready for bed. I went into the bedroom and turned on the white noise machine, and it began to “whir” softly.

I got the munchkin settled in his bassinet, when suddenly the hubs sat up.

Hubs: What is that?!?

I figured he was sleep talking so I just ignored him while I climbed in bed.

Hubs: Hon… do you hear that?

I just stared at him, thankful he was talking now and not later in the night and waking me up.

Hubs: What is it? Something’s wrong!

Me: Are you awake?

Hubs: Yes, I’m awake! Don’t you hear that loud machine? Is something turned on?

Me: Umm, do you mean the white noise machine? Did the white noise machine actually wake you up?!?

Hubs: Oh, is that what it is? I was really concerned.

Then he rolled over and went right back to sleep. And several hours later when the baby woke up wailing, many decibels louder than the white noise machine, the hubs did not even stir. Now that’s talent.

Curl up and Dye

The dog does not have picky taste buds. She will eat really anything that is put in her bowl. This I do not understand, as rawhide does not appeal to me at all.

Yummy!

Yummy!

The hubs has a more discerning palate. For one thing, he does not like peanut butter. Since I think peanut butter is the nectar of the gods, we would probably not be together if I had known this about him before falling for his many charms. The dog loves peanut butter, too, so I have not told her about the hubs’ aversion to it. I don’t want the knowledge to harm their relationship.

This past week, the hubs started talking about terrible tasting things in his sleep. I was fast asleep when he started yelling in his sleep, and did not fully wake up until he was almost done with the diatribe.

Hubs: This dye job is terrible!

Me: Hmm…

Hubs: The dye job! It… it just TASTES AWFUL!

Me: Uhhuh…

Hubs: I just don’t know why they can’t get it right. I mean, it’s not that hard. But, man. This one really is terrible.

Me: Yeah…

Then he rolled back over and I went back to sleep, feeling badly for the poor hubs that his dye job tasted so terrible. Hopefully it at least tasted better to him than peanut butter does!